In the Balance
If you’ve ever had to ponder a tricky dilemma, you’re not alone. Latte or cappuccino? Sleep in or rise at dawn to run 20km? (Okay, probably not the second one). Or the bigger life stuff, like whether to move to a one bedder near the beach now (thereby closing the door to any returning adult kids) or take off on a lap around Australia (meaning you’ll never get rid of the kids).
One tip is to toss a coin and listen to your gut in the split second you see which side it lands, a handy disseminator between rational and emotional decisions (I know I should have the acai bowl but I really want the banana bread).
In today’s online dating world, people complete Pros and Cons of Dating Me prompts on their profiles. The idea of course is to come up with cutesy and charming answers. Pro – I’m a great dancer and even better (karaoke) singer. Con – I’m a terrible cook so we’ll have to eat out a lot.
Charles Darwin might be better known as a naturalist, geologist and author of On The Origin of the Species, but it turns out he was in an agony of indecision when it came to marrying. At the ripe old age of twenty-nine, Darwin was on the cusp of scientific success. He’d already travelled widely, visiting Australia for two months in 1836, but once home the allure of settling down started to tug. Still, what to do? He didn’t want a wife curtailing his freedom. So, he drew up a list called Marry/Not Marry.
I think we can all relate to pretty much everything on both sides of the list. Attributions under Marry included “Constant Companion”, “Friend in Old Age” and “Object to be Beloved and Played with” (even if the latter sounds more like a train set than a life partner). Other items, the “Charms of Music” and “Female Chit-chat” highlighted Darwin’s shortcomings in understanding what marriage actually means (if you want chit chat there are less radical ways of getting it).
Strong contenders on the Not Marry side included “No Quarrelling”, “Freedom to Go Where One Likes” and “Conversation of Clever men at Clubs” (as opposed to the chit-chatting wife – it’s not clear if he spoke to stupid men at clubs). I love “Not Forced to visit Relatives”, with contemporary connotations across the globe. As a writer and reader, the two points “More Money for Books” and “More Time to Read Books in the Evenings” score highly for me.
Outside the world of dating, a Pros and Cons list is still helpful though less useful in the heat of the moment. You might have to make a call in a split second, like weighing up taking the Woollies travellator versus the lift in Lane Cove. Pros – probably quicker despite having to walk up the final ramp which never seems to work. Cons – walking up the final ramp which never seems to work. (Side note – I’m setting up a business as a Travellator Repairperson in my next life as I’ll be guaranteed to make a fortune. The escalators in Ashfield Mall near where I work recently made headlines when they were restored to full working order after two years out of order).
Darwin clearly vacillated in indecision but the last point on his Marry list must have been the one that swung it – “Better than a dog anyhow.” (Discuss). After a year of dithering, he took the plunge and married his first cousin Emma Wedgewood (of the ceramic family fame). His early misgivings about the effect of a family on his life, “Expense and Anxiety of Children”, vanished and he became a devoted father. One downside not earlier noted on the Not Marry side was constant anxiety his children would inherit weaknesses from the inbreeding of marrying his cousin. Once they were married, his wife was kept busy birthing and raising children, having ten babies throughout the following seventeen years which surely didn’t allow too much time for chit chat.
It doesn’t look like Emma had much say in the Pros and Cons department, but I’d like to think she knew what she was getting herself into. But I reckon if anyone discovers her own Pros and Cons list, that would make interesting reading.