No Flies on Us
We Aussies have such a plethora of dangerous creatures compared even to our near Kiwi neighbours, it all becomes a bit same old after a while.
Now La Nina has abated we can be thankful not just for the late summer sunshine, but for the end of a huge snake season. Three years of wet conditions have forced them outside of their normal habitat. Snakes have been turning up everywhere from vacuum cleaner innards to even inside pantries. Finding a five-metre carpet python coiled round the cookie jar would be a shock in anyone’s book. Between the local garden centre and Blackman Park, ‘Watch out for the Snake’ signs are two a penny.
Channel Nine even has a viewer contribution snake spotting section on their website, featuring the extremely useful advice to ‘contact a professional’ if you see a snake on your property.
I’ve walked my dog through the bush reserve behind my house almost daily for years and never spotted anything more dangerous than a lizard. With this in mind, I finally persuaded a timid friend to join us with her timid young dog.
‘She senses danger!’ my friend said, eyes wide and head swivelling as we set off. Her dog yapped incessantly while mine trotted along ignoring her. The yapping increased as we rounded the boardwalk and what do you know, there lay a very long very brown snake. Both ends were submerged in leaf litter, but about two metres were exposed.
The first and only time I’ve ever seen a snake there.
Another time my sister from England came to stay. I assured her she wouldn’t need insect repellent to walk to the local coffee shop via the school oval.
‘Will I need mozzie spray?’ she said, nervously poking her head round the door.
‘Oh no,’ I airily assured her. ‘Kids play here every day!’
She returned with a pillar of red welts up both calves you could see from space. I was not popular.
New Zealand is much friendlier in the dangerous wildlife stakes, much more like the British climate and landscape. No stingers, no sharks, no humidity, no spiders. Except for one thing.
Yes, it's the humble New Zealand blackfly, commonly known as the sandfly.
Sandflies drove explorers to distraction, South Island Māori knew all about them, and European settlers apparently smothered themselves with rancid bacon fat as a deterrent. Even Captain Cook referred to them, as ‘mischievous animals’, causing pox-like ulcers in Dusky Sound in 1773. The only thing sandflies love more than human flesh is penguins.
These blood thirsty critters saw at your skin causing indescribable itchiness, hives and a permanent desire to scream. It’s almost always too late by the time you spot them. After two days in the South Island my ankles resembled a plague outbreak, surrounded by a fetching pot pourri of purple bruises where I couldn’t stop scratching.
Deterrents have limited effect - one home remedy involves a mix of Dettol and baby oil while others reckon garlic or Vegemite does the trick.
The only sure-fire way to avoid them is to carry a penguin as bait or just don’t cross the ditch. You might find a ten-foot reptile in your backyard woodpile but at least your skin will remain intact.