For the Record
Cartoon of a blindfolded girl eating Smarties with chopsticks
Getting your name in the Guinness Book of Records is more achievable than you think. Every year, 35,000 fans congregate on Coney Island (Brooklyn NY not Sydney AU) to watch the Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest, showcasing the person who can eat (and hold down) the most hot dogs in ten minutes. This Fourth of July’s prestigious men’s competition has just been won by Joey Chestnut (62 dogs – he holds the current world record at 76) while Miki Sudo won the women’s event (39.5 dogs – she also holds the world record at 48.5 dogs). They are the official King and Queen of Dogs – it’s Joey’s sixteenth Mustard Belt and Miki’s ninth title. (In case you’re wondering, both competitive eaters are of slight frames).
If your brain’s scrambling to understand such a concept, you should know that it’s so much more than a hot dog eating competition. There’s a carnival atmosphere, fed by joyous revellers dressed in hot dog outfits and foam hot dog shaped hats, paired with condiment partners, holding signs saying ‘God Bless America’. The atmosphere has been described as a cross between an illegal dog fight and the Superbowl, an image none of us will now be able to shake.
Joey Chestnut agrees that preparation is key. He does a practice contest, followed by fasting, and then another practice. Once he’s empty, he does another. Like a full-dress rehearsal before a show, he rehearses in all-weather temperatures to prepare for every eventuality, using the same equipment as competition day. Training your brain to convince your stomach it’s not full is key to success. He’s been able to load over eighty dogs in his practice sessions, more than the world record, but it goes to show the pressure of the real deal.
The right technique is also essential. During the event, the hot dogs are all served in the buns, but the top eaters separate the meat from the bun up front, dipping the bun in water for a softer swallow, searching for their rhythm. Don’t fall into the trap of fasting beforehand, your stomach shrinks too much.
There’s something appealing, if a little stomach turning, about the whole thing. But if hot dog gorging doesn’t float your boat, here’s some other more achievable records we could aim for.
Tallest toilet paper tower in 30 seconds. Making good use of the excess rolls we all still have lurking post pandemic. Twenty-eight is the number to beat, one roll at a time, and make sure you have a step ladder handy.
o Sponsor: Quilton/Woolworths
Most Smarties (or M&Ms) eaten in 60 seconds, blindfolded, using chopsticks. Only one at a time, mind. Nail twenty and you’re the champ. Yes, this sounds very doable, but have a try at home and you might think differently.
o Sponsor: Nestle/Mars
Fastest time to form the full alphabet from a can of Alphabet Spaghetti. You need to do this in under 3 minutes 21 seconds to take the record. But beware, like Scrabble, many letters are plentiful while others are much more elusive.
o Sponsor: Heinz
Most clothes pegs clipped to the face in 60 seconds. Possibly more fun to watch than try. The current record of fifty-two pegs is held by Silvio Sabba, who’s also the tallest toilet paper tower champ.
o Sponsor: Hot Dollar
Most push ups with hand claps in 60 seconds. The current record of 90 is staggering, especially to those of us who can’t even do one, with or without clapping. If you’ve got the upper body strength of a three-year old when you try and take chocolate from them, give it a go.
o Sponsor: FIT Lane Cove
Fastest time to type the alphabet backwards on a mobile phone. The perfect test for all millennials who rely on abbreviations and auto text. Xia Yan holds the current record of four seconds. Admittedly made during the pandemic so he had a lot of time on his hands to practice.
o Sponsor: SP Mobile, Lane Cove Market Square
Most t-shirts put on in 60 seconds. 260 is the record to beat. So much to unpack here, not least the donning technique and what you must look like at the end. Shirts must be donned one at a time, but you can get a pal to help pull each one down.
o Sponsor: Gazman
Looking at you, Lane Cove Council, to get the ball rolling. One or all of the above could take place in the Canopy, in a sort of World Record Day event. With the Lane Cove Festival coming up soon, it’s a sure-fire winner to put us on the world map.